"No More Heroes III" contains an e-mail system, similar to past Grasshopper games such as "The Silver Case" or "BLOOD+ One Night Kiss".
But, if you've played through the game, you probably noticed it is hardly actually used.
The mails are divided into three categories, "Important", "Tutorial" and "Spam".
"Important" mails are those sent from the UAA to alert you of ranking fees and are almost all uniform.
The "Tutorial" mails are merely archives of Meijin's tips, which you have already read.
The "Spam" e-mails would seem promising, but they only consist of joke e-mails from "Notflix" and, the most interesting ones, those of Doppelganger.
It might seem odd that the system is not utilized more.
But, there are actually several unused e-mails in the game files, fully translated into every language.
Some of them refer to content still in the game; others are more mysterious.
Presented here for your pleasure is every unused e-mail in No More Heroes III!
(Special thanks: @Transmitter51 for providing the game files.)
[※ Since these are taken from raw hex files opened in a text editor, some emoticons or borders would display differently in-game.]




Come Back to the Motel Immediately

Sylvia


Hi Travis,

Looks like you're off to a good start with the Ranking Battles.

I have something I want to give you.
Let's meet up in your room.


This is placed under the normal Important mails and before Henry's.
In the actual game, Sylvia is evasive and mysterious. She never properly meets with Travis.
So what could she possibly have wanted to give him?


The rest of the unused mails are organized after all the used Spam mails.

I'll Show You Where To Find Buried Treasure!

Sherman Suplex


WOW!
Late last night, I received a bedside visit from the ghost of my ancestor. ( )

He told me that he had buried treasure in a pond during the Civil War, and that he wants me to go and retrieve it... ((+_+))

However, I was in a serious accident as a child, and have been bedridden ever since. (*_*;

This is where you come in!
Would you go and find the buried treasure for me?!

I've sent the location of the buried treasure to your map. (*^^)v

If you can find it, I would be happy to take only 80% of it as my share. ('%')0


On its surface, does not seem to refer to any mission in the final game.
However, there are volunteer missions where Travis picks up trash from ponds.
Perhaps the concept originally involved picking up treasure? ※Speculation

FOR SALE: WESN Seeds!

Greentology Association


Are you familiar with "World-Ending Super Nova"?

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
This mysterious substance, abbreviated as "WESN", is about to put an end to the long-running US dollar market and gold trade.
WESN is set to bring a paradigm shift to the market economy!

This is information to which only we at the Greentology Association are privy!

With our very own original state-of-the-art biochemical technology, we have succeeded in cultivating WESN-bearing trees!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Having read this far, you must be thinking to yourself:
What does this have to do with me?

Through our own exhaustive research, we have determined that you are eligible to purchase these WESN-bearing tree seeds.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Act now!

Become one of the first-ever WESN producers - and a next-generation celebrity!


Refers to the Greenification volunteer mission.

Searching for a Talking Alligator!

Apple Graham


Please excuse the sudden mail.

I have heard rumors of a talking alligator in the Santa Destroy area.

Would you happen to know its location?

I work as casting director for a certain film production company.

We are currently in the planning stages for a Crocodile Dundee reboot.
The number-one selling point for this project is the casting of an alligator that can actually speak, without overdubbing, and the producers are telling me that if I don't find a talking alligator, I'm going to be fired.
This is my last chance.

You would be rewarded handsomely for any pertinent information you could provide.

Thank you for your time and attention.


The character Chris from "Flower, Sun, and Rain" is a talking alligator.
There are alligators in "No More Heroes III", but no talking ones as far as I know.
Was Chris intended to appear in this game...?!

Open a Ramen Shop with Cheap Military Funding!

Happy Smile Corporation


I read your ramen blog, and decided to mail you.

**************************************************
To those who truly love ramen!

Have you ever dreamed of making ramen and making your very own American dream a reality?

**************************************************
Taking full advantage of our own innovative and creative business scheme, we offer comprehensive support for your independence.

Attend our seminar to combine our know-how with your passion to generate the synergy you need to become a pioneer of the American ramen frontier!

**************************************************


A ramen-focused volunteer mission does exist in-game, but with a very different feeling.
However, it's possible that this mail would point you to somewhere that would begin essentially the same mission.
Or maybe it's just spam.

If You Build it, They Will Come!

SanDesBasFed


Special privileged information just for YOU, as a passionate baseball fan!
(Please keep this info to yourself! (^_-)-&)

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
We, the Santa Destroy Baseball Federation ("SanDesBasFed"), own and manage the "Santa Destroy Chokesleepers", who have just received confirmation of their acceptance into the major leagues, starting next-next-next-next season!
(This has not yet been reported to any media outlets. ( @0)0)

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
However, SanDesBasFed has one major obstacle to overcome on our path to the major leagues.

The dilapidation of our stadium has been increasingly problematic, and we require a significantly large plot of land on which to build our new stadium.

SanDesBasFed is currently looking for new staff members to mow the grass on a very large piece of land.
Participants will be rewarded with lifelong season tickets for seats right behind home plate. ('')0

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The meeting place for those wishing to participate is designated on your map, so we hope to see you there!

Let's realize our own field of dreams! (^O^)


Naturally refers to the lawn-mowing missions.
However, the description suggests Travis would be mowing a large, stadium-sized area.
In the game itself, Travis mows three separate, smaller lawns.
As a side note, this is the third Santa Destroy baseball team to be mentioned across the games in total...

THEY LIVE! DO NOT OBEY!

Frank Carpenter


I've discovered the truth about just who is actually controlling America from the shadows...

Politicians, the media, celebrities...
All of them are aliens disguised with masks of human skin!
You through the sunglasses... You can see them too, right?!

Everyone thinks I'm insane!
You're the only one I can count on.

Go and investigate the aliens' discarded husks!

Listen - you gotta look at the world through the sunglasses!
DO NOT OBEY!


Refers to the mission to destroy the moai heads, which are still referred to as alien "shells".
Also a reference to "They Live" and its director, John Carpenter.

Re: Audition

Herbert Weinstein


My name is Herbert Weinstein, I'm a film producer.
You're probably wondering why I'm suddenly mailing you.
I saw your photo on social media.

I was totally blown away by the aura you give off, and I see the potential for you to become a real movie star.

I'd like you to be in my next movie.
It's a reboot of Crocodile Dundee.

I've already spoken with the other investors and used my connections to lay the groundwork.
All you have to do is come in for a final audition.
The director, Scorsese, has already given his approval.
With you leading this film, it'll be a shoe-in for an Oscar.

For your audition, you'll be doing a scene in which a huge congregation of alligators descends on Omaha Beach, but don't worry - I've already nailed down approval to cast you.
Check your map for the audition location.

Just to be safe, I'm going to need you to deposit $5000 from the below website as an "audition fee", but this is just a formality.

Your journey down the road to stardom has already begun!


Refers to the Coast Guard missions.
Also, um... yeah....

Request for Donation

DeathMan Wiki Admin


Hello.
We have an announcement for all readers of the DeathMan Fan Wiki.
Please give me just a minute of your time.

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
The DeathMan Wiki is currently facing risk of closure.
We are in desperate need of your financial support.
Even just enough money for a single cup of coffee would be welcome.

Donations to this Wiki will help promote further growth and development for the DeathMan community, and will also help secure production of further DeathMan works.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

Donations are accepted via credit card only.
Please include the following in your reply:
0Name
0Card number
0Expiration date
0PIN
Thank you very much for your support.


Seems to be merely humorous, but going by the other examples, it's possible it may have lead to the DeathMan card mission.

CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN 1 WEEK!!

Cosmic Power Partnership


(*^-^*)Congratulations!(*^-^*)
You have been selected to be a Cosmic Stone monitor!

This product is a necklace that has been irradiated for 72 consecutive hours by super pulsed energy derived from World-Ending Super Nova, the substance recently discovered by NASA!

You can fully recharge your energy and luck simply by wearing it for one week!

Normally sold for upwards of $30,000, we are offering this item to monitors for the low price of only $300.

Don't worry!
This product has been approved by NASA, and is absolutely totally definitely not sketchy!!!!!


Widespread Toilet Breakdowns!

Santa Destroy Community.Net


Hello!&a_(^_-)-&
This is Santa Destroy Community.Net, bringing you the latest local news topics.

**************************************
Public toilets throughout the city are currently experiencing severe malfunctions.
The relevant authorities are investigating the cause.
Please beware:
You will not be able to use the toilet nor save your data until repairs are complete.
***************************************

Santa Destroy Community.Net is a free magazine published for residents of our fair city.
We hope to help make your Destroy Life as comfy and cozy as possible.(*^^)v

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
[PR] Universal Trading Academy
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

!!!SUPER Popular Seminar!!!!
Due to a participant cancellation, there is currently one opening left in our "How to Earn 10,000 UtopiCoins in Seconds Through Trading" seminar!

Register now to receive a waiver for all seminar fees!

We hope to see you there!




In the game, there are three space battles with alien monsters as optional boss fights.
However, there isn't really an indication of their existence - they are hidden in the optional Designated Matches.
These three unused e-mails would have actually told you about them and pointed towards where to fight them.

BIG SCOOP!

Santa Destroy Mystery Report


Just the other day, we revealed shocking shots of a poltergeist haunting an abandoned house, and now...
The SMR editorial team is really on a roll!

We've already uncovered yet another supernatural scoop!

This time, we've discovered a huge, unidentified flying creature floating in space.
With its strange and vicious appearance...
It's reminiscent of those crazy galactic "kaiju" we used to see on TV back when we were kids.

We on the SMR editorial team have named this space monster "Ice Shaver", and will continue to observe it closely.

We've pinpointed locations from which "Ice Shaver" can be observed on the map, and we're looking forward to receiving any further information our readers can send in.


HUGE SCOOP!

Santa Destroy Mystery Report


The SMR editorial team is really on a roll!

Continuing from our recent scoop on the discovery of a huge space monster, we've succeeded in observing a whole new species!

We on the SMR editorial team have named this new space monster "Space Sheath", and will continue to observe it closely.

We've pinpointed locations from which "Space Sheath" can be observed on the map, and we're looking forward to receiving any further information our readers can send in.


RIDICULOUSLY BIG-ASS SCOOP!

Santa Destroy Mystery Report


The SMR editorial team is really on a roll!

The end of the world just may be near.
We have observed yet another new space monster in the stratosphere.

We on the SMR editorial team have named this new space monster "Space Peacock", and will continue to observe it closely.

We've pinpointed locations from which "Space Peacock" can be observed on the map, and we're looking forward to receiving any further information our readers can send in.




Another optional boss in the game is Ryuichi.
Ryuichi can only be unlocked by getting a Gold rank on every driving mission, which is not indicated in any way.
It is revealed that he is the leader of the gang you had been fighting in the driving missions.
These e-mails suggest that the driving missions would have been a more clearly-indicated questline,
in which you do battle with Ryuichi's gang members, who are all named after motorcycle manufacturers.
In light of this it's likely they would have been riding motorcycles instead of driving cars as well.

New Friend Request from [Kawasaki]

Facehuggerbook


************************************

The Facehuggerbook GPS matching feature displays [Kawasaki]'s location.
Head on over now for a rendezvous! (^_-)-

************************************

For inquiries or to stop receiving these mails:
http51://facehuggerbook.support.sd.com/support


New Friend Request from [Suzuki]

Facehuggerbook


************************************

The Facehuggerbook GPS matching feature displays [Suzuki]'s location.
Head on over now for a rendezvous! (^_-)-

************************************

For inquiries or to stop receiving these mails:
http51://facehuggerbook.support.sd.com/support


New Friend Request from [Yamaha]

Facehuggerbook


************************************

The Facehuggerbook GPS matching feature displays [Yamaha]'s location.
Head on over now for a rendezvous! (^_-)-

************************************

For inquiries or to stop receiving these mails:
http51://facehuggerbook.support.sd.com/support


New Friend Request from [Honda]

Facehuggerbook


************************************

The Facehuggerbook GPS matching feature displays [Honda]'s location.
Head on over now for a rendezvous! (^_-)-

************************************

For inquiries or to stop receiving these mails:
http51://facehuggerbook.support.sd.com/support


New Friend Request from [Ryuichi]

Facehuggerbook


************************************

The Facehuggerbook GPS matching feature displays [Ryuichi]'s location.
Head on over now for a rendezvous! (^_-)-

************************************

For inquiries or to stop receiving these mails:
http51://facehuggerbook.support.sd.com/support




Other fun facts of unused text...


written by meru 9/5/2021